The Death of An American Child Star
by Dragonfly86
Summary: Corky has to host a special with an egotistical child star and when he dies, she decides to deal with it in a way that angers many.


INT- NEWSROOM

(Note: This is intended as an episode from between seasons 1-8. More episodes (hopefully) coming soon.)

MURPHY- HELLO, MILES.

MILES- HELLO, MURPHY. I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH THE PRESS SECRETARY.

MURPHY- DO WE HAVE THE INTERVIEW WITH CLINTON?

MILES- HE GAVE IT TO DIANE SAWYER.

MURPHY IS LIVID.

MURPHY- DIANE SAWYER?! SHE'S STOLEN THREE EXCLUSIVES FROM ME! OH, HOW I WISH TO JUST CHOKE HER.

MILES- DON'T BE TOO MAD. YOU'RE INTERVIEWING YELTSIN TOMORROW.

MURPHY- (SARCASTICALLY) YEAH, THAT'LL GET MY STANDING UP WITH THE ENGLISH AS A SECOND LANGUAGE PEOPLE. THEY'VE BEEN ON MY BACK EVER SINCE I ORDERED A TRANSLATOR FOR SCHWARTZENEGGER.

CORKY ENTERS

CORKY- AND EVERYONE'S JUMPING THE BANDWAGON.

MURPHY- HOW ARE YOU DOING?

CORKY- GOOD. I'M SUPPOSED TO BE CO-HOSTING THIS NEWS SPECIAL ON TEEN SEX WITH LITTLE DAVEY FINK.

JIM- LITTLE DAVEY FINK?

CORKY- THE ONE AND ONLY.

JIM STARTS HYSTERICALLY LAUGHING.

JIM- IT'S NOT LIKE HE'S THE PROPER AUTHORITY ON TEEN SEX. I MEAN, YOU COULDN'T GET CHARLIE SHEEN?

MILES- WE CALLED HIS PEOPLE BUT HE SAID NO. LITTLE DAVEY FINK WAS THE BEST WE COULD GET. IT WAS EITHER HIM OR REGIS PHILBIN.

MURPHY- I CAN ONLY IMAGINE.

MILES- (DOES A REGIS PHILBIN IMPRESSION) AND HERE'S A CONDOM! AND YOU PUT IT ON YOUR PENIS, AND THEN YOU PUT LUBRICANT AND BOOM! IT'S DONE!

EVERYBODY LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY

CORKY- YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN SO FUNNY, MILES!

MILES- THANKS.

MURPHY- GOOD LUCK, CORKY. YOU SURE AS HELL NEED SOME.

CORKY- THANKS, MURPHY. YOU SURE NEED SOME LUCK WITH THE TRANSLATION.

MURPHY GIVES HER A BAD LOOK

CORKY- MAYBE I SHOULDN'T HAVE.

MURPHY- YOU BETTER BE.

INT- FYI STUDIO

THE STUDIO IS COVERED WITH THE WORD SEX ALL OVER THE PLACE. CORKY AND DAVEY ARE SITTING ON TWO SEPARATE CHAIRS.

DIRECTOR- AND ACTION!

CORKY- GOOD EVENING, I'M CORKY SHERWOOD.

DAVEY- AND I'M LITTLE DAVEY FINK.

CORKY- OVER THE NEXT HOUR, WE'LL TELL YOU THE REAL FACTS ABOUT TEEN SEX.

DAVEY- SO SIT BACK, RELAX, ENJOY THE SHOW, AND LEARN.

MONTAGE SET TO 'BARE NECCESSITIES' SHOWS CORKY AND DAVEY PUTTING A CONDOM ON A BROOMSTICK, WATCHING SLIDES OF WARTS WITH DISCOMFORT, AND ACCIDENTALLY TURNING ON A VIBRATOR.

CORKY- THAT IS ALL FOR TONIGHT.

DAVEY- WE'D LIKE TO THANK ALL THE AUTHORITY FIGURES WHO BROUGHT THIS PRESENTATION TO LIFE. SO FOR CORKY SHERWOOD, I'M LITTLE DAVEY FINK SAYING GOODNIGHT, GOODSPEED, AND LASTLY, STAY LOADED.

DIRECTOR- AND CUT!

CORKY- THAT WAS GREAT, DAVEY. I NEVER THOUGHT YOU HAD SO MUCH, UM, RANGE!

DAVEY- I NEVER THOUGHT YOU HAD THAT MUCH RANGE EITHER. TOO BAD YOU'RE STILL A BIT WOODEN IN SPOTS.

DAVEY LEAVES. CORKY GASPS.

CORKY- YOU CAN'T SAY THAT! I'VE WON AN EMMY, FOR PETE'S SAKE. AND I CAN ALSO MAKE HAM SANDWICHES.

MILES ENTERS

MILES- THAT LAST PART IS DEBATABLE.

INT- NEWSROOM

CORKY- I CAN'T BELIEVE LITTLE DAVEY FINK IS SUCH A SNOB.

MURPHY- I EXPECTED IT. I ALWAYS THOUGHT THE KID WAS A BUG EYED IDIOT.

FRANK- IT CAN'T BE THAT BAD. MAYBE HE HAD A BAD DAY.

CORKY- HOW CAN HE HAVE A BAD DAY? HE'S RICH!

JIM- THERE COULD BE MANY REASONS FOR HIS ANGER. MAYBE IT WAS ALCOHOLISM.

MURPHY- ALCOHOLISM? THE KID'S 11! ISN'T HE?

MILES- HE COULD STILL PULL A BARRYMORE.

MURPHY- PULL A BARRYMORE? YOU PEOPLE ARE SICK! (PAUSE) AND RIGHT!

CORKY- MAYBE YOU TWO ARE RIGHT.

FRANK- I'M REALLY SKEPTICAL ABOUT THIS. WE SHOULDN'T BE ACCUSING ALCOHOLISM ON A KID. THAT'S THE JOB FOR PHYSCHIATRISTS AND OPRAH.

INT- FYI STUDIOS

CORKY IS TAPING A NEWS UPDATE

CORKY- AND IN OTHER NEWS, I'M SADDENED TO ANNOUNCE THE DEATH OF (SHOCK) LITTLE DAVEY FINK?! HE DIED CHOKING ON A TRUFFLE. HE WAS ONLY 11. ALSO FOUND IN HIS BLOOD STREAM WERE (BURSTS INTO LAUGHTER) BARBITUATES, ALCOHOL, AND PROZAC. MORE AFTER THE LOCAL NEWS.

DIRECTOR- CUT! WHY THE HELL WERE YOU LAUGHING?! THIS IS THE DEATH OF A BELOVED TELEVISION ICON!

CORKY- IT'S JUST SO FUNNY THAT AN 11 YEAR OLD COULD DIE WITH SO MUCH DRUGS IN HIS BODY!

DIRECTOR- YOU ARE A SICKO! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!

DIRECTOR LEAVES

MILES ENTERS

MILES- WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? NOW EVERYBODY'S GOING TO THINK OF YOU AS EITHER HAVING A GRUDGE AGAINST THE KID OR THAT YOU FIND CHILDREN DYING PREMATURE DEATHS ARE FUNNY!

CORKY- BUT IT WAS-.

MILES- DON'T SPEAK! YOU'RE SICK!

INT- MURPHY'S HOUSE

MURPHY FINISHES WATCHING THE NEWS REPORT

MURPHY- MAYBE SHE'S THE ONE WITH THE ALCOHOLISM.

ELDIN- YOU'RE RIGHT. IF ANYONE DID THAT IN THE HOUSE PAINTING BUSINESS, THEIR THROATS WOULD BE CUT.

MURPHY- I NEVER IMAGINED IT THAT WAY.

ELDIN- BUT YOU HAVE TO REALIZE, ONCE THEY TAKE YOU IN, YOU NEVER GET OUT.

MURPHY- LIKE JOURNALISM.

ELDIN- JUST LIKE JOURNALISM, BUT WITH LESS NUT JOBS.

THE END


End file.
